Motherhood: A work in progress

It has been nearly eight years since I became a mother. Eight years since I held my little son in my arms for the first time. Eight years since I realized that my husband and I were now responsible for the well being of another person. We would shape his mind, help mold his character, teach him our faith, and try our best to be good parents to this new little one. Eight years since that terrifying moment of clarity.

Over the past eight years a lot has changed. We've moved four times, lost four children in the womb, cut our income in half, cut it in half again, given birth to two sweet daughters, endured graduate school, survived a vicarage, and grown ever closer together as a family. Despite all these changes, our commitment to our first child, and now our subsequent children, hasn't changed. We still want to do all that we can to make them into the very best little versions of themselves that they can be.

We've learned a lot over the years and I am sure we have a lot more to learn. I mean, we haven't hit the teenage years yet, which seems like it will be nothing but a learning experience. Here are the top eight things I've learned about being a mother over the last eight years.

1. When they say "you have to pick your battles," they mean it. I have to decide what things I am willing to fight my children on and what things I'm not. The decisions I make may seem strange to others around me. They may feel that I've picked the wrong battles. Focused on things I shouldn't have and let go of things I should have focused on. They don't know my kid and they don't have to parent my kid. That is a special task that God has left up to me and my husband. (With lots of influence from our therapists). 
2. Even though my children will most definitely behave as if I am, I am not breaking them by being tough on them and having expectations for them. Kids are actually really resilient. 
3. Kids are sinners. They will lie to you, manipulate you, try to find ways to hurt you, and just in general be awful sometimes. 
4. I am a big sinner too. I don't love my children the way I should. I don't give selflessly to them. I lose my patience, have temper tantrums, say hurtful things, and just in general behave awful sometimes. 
5. It is all about forgiveness. My family would not be able to function if I wasn't willing to seek the forgiveness of my spouse and children when I mess up, when I fail them, when I sin. And by seeking their forgiveness, I am teaching them to seek mine when they make mistakes too. 
6. Children are way more capable of learning the faith than most churches give them credit for. With an appalling lack of effort on my part, my children know who Jesus is, that He died on the cross, that He rose again, the Lord's prayer, the creeds, and find comfort in their baptism. 
7. My relationship with both my mom and my mother in law is strengthened through my children. They are always there to answer my questions, listen to me complain, and give me advice. Plus, they love my kids. A lot. Which is pretty amazing considering what little stinkers I have. 
8. I am not doing this mom thing as well as I wish I was, but I am not doing as bad as I think I am either. I don't have all the answers. I won't ever have them and I still have a lot to learn. Sometimes I am going to mess up and make mistakes, but sometimes I am going to do just the right thing, the perfect thing. Either way, I know this: I am a way better mom than I was on that October day when a little 5 lb 13 oz bundle of trouble was placed in to my arms. My kids? They are going to be okay.