For a few days now my two year old has worn underwear all day. Sure, she's had a few accidents, but she's been kind enough to either have them outside or on the tile in the bathroom floor - which is a level of consideration that I never received from my other kids.
This is great big wonderful news since I've been fantasizing about a diaper free house for roughly the last six years. Six years, that's how long we've been buying diapers. Six years!
With this realization of diaper freedom also comes a little sliver of sadness. This means we have officially left the baby years for now. And it's not just the diapers, I see it in other things too - like the way that there isn't currently a crib up in any of our bedrooms, the high chair sitting in the garage collecting dust and spiders, the lack of receiving blankets in the wash.
As much as I love the fact that I can visit a small zoo now with only my kids and my purse, there are times I miss having a little baby around.
I don't really miss the fussiness, the lack of sleep, the feeling of being overwhelmed - I can't really miss that part, it's still fully here - but I do miss that little person who so deeply relies on me.
As my kids get older they are doing what kids are supposed to do, they're becoming more self sufficient. They dress themselves, start their own showers and baths, tuck themselves into bed. All things that make my life easier, but emptier too.
It isn't that I don't want them to grow up. I do. I like the fact that I can have a conversation with Connor now that is very grown up or that when I give Sophie the "I can't believe they just said that look" she gives it right back. I especially love that when I wink at Elinor she gets that I am telling a joke now and she loves being in on it. These things are all amazing.
I'm still very much the center of their little worlds. I truly am. But I am starting to see that I'm not so far away from a time when that may not be true. I'm vain enough to assume that they'll always love me and think I'm amazing - I mean, how could they not, right? But someday they'll realize that I can't solve every problem. That some things are even beyond my control. Some hurts too much. That there are troubles in this world that they must and can work through on their own.
As they take on life's troubles and worries and solve more and more of their own problems, I'll take comfort that at some point we have to have faith that God will watch over them and that our parenting skills are enough. Even so, I think I'll miss those sweet little faces that looked to me in every need as the one that could always make things better.
